Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Teacher

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The
teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"

The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go
back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought
in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think
Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let
me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,
oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes
open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog
do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do."

Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and bit
tense)

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good."

Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."

Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
excitement?"

Harry: "Fire truck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass
in the sixth-grade. I got the last ten Questions wrong myself.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Q & A Area








Chilly Question & Ans.
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?


Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday



*********



Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?


Customer: What other colors do you have?



*********



Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.


Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!



*********



Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?


Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.



*********



Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!


Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.



*********



Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!


Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?



*********



Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.


Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!



*********



Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!


Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.



*********



Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!


Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Teaspoon,Teacup... or Bucket?

How people tend to be constrained with the options offered…it pays to think outside of given options

Teaspoon,Teacup... or Bucket???


During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor
asked the Director which is the criteria that
defines a patient to be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bath-tub,
we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the
patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

Okay, here's your test:

(Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom
to get the answer before even taking this test!)

1. Would you use the spoon?
or
2. Would you use the teacup?
or
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand said the visitor.
A normal person would choose the bucket as
it is larger than the spoon or the cup"

Scroll down...
"Nooooo," answered the Director.
A normal person would...pull the plug!"

You are not required to tell anyone how you did on this test.
Please don't share your answer... but, now you know

Monday, June 16, 2008

Does Love need a Reason...??

Some people never understand

Once a lady when having a conversation with her lover, asked:

Lady :

Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?

Man :

I can t tell the reason.. but I really like you..


Lady :

You can t even tell me the reason... how can you say you like

me? How can you say you love me?

Man :

I really don t know the reason, but I can prove that I love U.

Lady :

Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend s boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!

Man :

Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,

because your voice is sweet,

because you are caring,

because you are loving,

because you are thoughtful,

because of your smile,

because of your every movements.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man s answer.

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in comma.

The Guy then placed a letter by her side,

here is the content:
Darling,Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.


Because of your care and concern that I like you..Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.

Because of your smile,because of your every movements that I love you..

Now can you smile? Now can you move?No, therefore I cannot love you...

If love needs a reason, like now,There is no reason for me to love you anymore.

Does love need a reason?

NO!Therefore,
I still LOVE YOU...

"True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away"


Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

'Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays...'

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Caution: A/C and Your Health

Hello Friends, please note...

Do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car!



Please open the windows after you enter your car and do not turn ON the
air-conditioning immediately. According to a research done , the car dashboard ,
sofa , air freshener emits Benzene , a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen- take note
of the heated plastic smell in your car). In addition to causing cancer , it poisons
your bones , causes anemia , and reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure
will cause Leukemia , increasing the risk of cancer may also cause miscarriage.


Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft. A car parked indoors with
the windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors
under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F , the Benzene level goes up
to 2000-4000 mg , 40 times the acceptable level... & the people inside the car will
inevitably inhale an excess amount of the toxins.


It is recommended that you open the windows and door to give time for
the interior to air out before you enter. Benzene is a toxin that affects your
kidney and liver , and is very difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it , you have a moral obligation to share it with others"

Friday, April 11, 2008

UPD 2007 Valedictory Speech

UPD 2007 Valedictory Speech
I would like to share with you a beautifully written valedictory speech by a 16-year old "girl" who graduated summa cum laude with a BS Physics degree.

A mere 16-year old, who could just be graduating from high school, but is actually finishing at the top of her entire graduating college class with an GWA of 1.099. Actually, many of us were doubtful if this wisp of a girl, not even 5 feet tall, who smiled at everyone so innocently, could tell us, could inspire her class to go forth and meet life after college. But she was the chosen one to deliver a message to her class. And so, out of respect for her feat, we gave her a standing ovation upon her introduction.

With her first words, "One of the things that strike me as being very "UP Diliman" is the way UPD students can't seem to stay on the pavement...", everyone was silent. It was a silence I have seldom experienced. It was as the amphitheater was empty, and it was only the girl and I in that huge space. But i looked around, and even the audience -- the parents and guests surrounding the graduates -- were silent, intently listening to this small voice, now made louder, not by the amplifier, but by our collective silence.

This is when it would not be exaggerated to say, "You could hear a pin drop" by the quality of silence. But I would say, and those of you who have been to the middle of the UP Ampitheater would know what I mean, you could hear the leaves rustle with the slightest breeze.

It was speech that did not talk about a student's personal experience with Physics, as I had feared. It was a young person telling us how she looked at the world -- her world for 4 years -- and how she is encouraged, inspired and compelled to make a difference in this world. She received a long standing ovation, not out of respect this time, but I guess because of what she made us feel about ourselves, about our country and about our future.

I will be humble enough to say that she inspired me. I am renewed once again in my idealism. I hope it strikes a chord in you, because it has strummed my chords so deeply.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mikaela Irene Fudolig – BS Physics, Class 2007 Valedictorian.
Mikaela Irene Fudolig – BS Physics
Speech at the Commencement Exercises, UPD
April 22, 2007
One of the things that strike me as being very "UP Diliman" is the way UPD students can't seem to stay on the pavement. From every street corner that bounds an unpaved piece of land, one will espy a narrow trail that cuts the corner, or leads from it. Every lawn around the buildings sports at least one of these paths, starting from a point nearest to the IKOT stop and ending at the nearest entry to the building. The trails are beaten on the grass by many pairs of feet wanting to save a fraction of a meter of traveling, no matter that doing so will exact some cost to the shoes, or, to the ubiquitous slippers, especially when the trails are new.
What do these paths say about us, UP students?
One could say that the UP student is enamored with Mathematics and Pythagoras, hence these triangles formed by the pavement and the path. Many among you would disagree.
Others could say that the UP student is naturally countercultural. And the refusal to use the pavement is just one of the myriads of ways to show his defiance of the order of things. This time, many would agree.
Still, others will say that the UP student is the model of today's youth: they want everything easier, faster, now. The walkable paths appeal to them because they get to their destination faster, and presumably, with less effort. Now that is only partly true, and totally unfair.
These trails weren't always walkable. No doubt they started as patches of grass, perhaps overgrown. Those who first walked them must have soiled their shoes, stubbed their toes, or had insects biting their legs, all in the immovable belief that the nearest distance between two points is a straight line. They might even have seen snakes cross their paths. But the soiled footwear, sore toes, and itchy legs started to conquer the grass. Other people, seeing the yet faint trail, followed. And as more and more walked the path, the grass gave in and stopped growing altogether, making the path more and more visible, more and more walkable.

The persistence of the paths pays tribute to those UP students who walked them first – the pioneers of the unbeaten tracks: the defiant and curious few who refuse the familiar and comfortable; the out-of-the-box thinkers who solve problems instead of fretting about them; the brave who dare do things differently, and open new opportunities to those who follow.

They say how one behaved in the past would determine how he behaves in the future. And as we leave the University, temporarily or for good, let us call on the pioneering, defiant, and brave spirit that built the paths to guide us in this next phase of our life.

We have been warned time and again. Our new world that they call "adulthood" is one that's full of compromises, where success is determined more by the ability to belong than by the ability to think, where it is much easier to do as everyone else does. Daily we are bombarded with so much news of despair about the state of our nation, and the apparent, perverse sense of satisfaction our politicians get from vilifying our state of affairs. It is fashionable to migrate to other countries to work in deceptively high-paying jobs like nursing and teaching, forgetting that even at their favored work destinations, nurses and teachers are some of the lowest paid professionals. The lure of high and immediate monetary benefits in some low-end outsourcing jobs has drawn even some of the brightest UP students away from both industry and university teaching to which they would have been better suited.

Like the sidewalks and pavement, these paths are the easiest to take.

But, like the sidewalks and pavement, these paths take longer to traverse, just as individual successes do not always make for national progress. The unceasing critic could get elected, but not get the job done. The immigrant could get his visa, but disappear from our brainpower pool. The highly paid employee would be underutilized for his skills, and pine to get the job he truly wants, but is now out of his reach. And the country, and we, are poorer because of these.
Today, the nation needs brave, defiant pioneers to reverse our nation's slide to despair. Today, we must call upon the spirit that beat the tracks. Today, we must present an alternative way of doing things.
Do NOT just take courage, for courage is not enough. Instead, be BRAVE! It will take bravery to go against popular wisdom, against the clichéd expectations of family and friends. It will take bravery to gamble your future by staying in the country and try to make a prosperous life here. It might help if for a start, we try to see why our Korean friends are flocking to our country. Why, as many of us line up for immigrant visas in various embassies, they get themselves naturalized and settle here. Do they know something we don't?
Do NOT just be strong in your convictions, for strength is not enough. Instead, DEFY the pressure to lead a comfortable, but middling life. Let us lead this country from the despair of mediocrity. Let us not seek to do well, but strive to EXCEL in everything that we do. This, so others will see us as a nation of brains of the highest quality, not just of brawn that could be had for cheap.
Take NOT the road less traveled. Rather, MAKE new roads, BLAZE new trails, FIND new routes to your dreams. Unlike the track-beaters in campus who see where they're going, we may not know how far we can go. But if we are brave, defiant searchers of excellence, we will go far. Explore possibilities, that others may get a similar chance. I have tried it myself. And I'm speaking to you now.
But talk is cheap, they say. And so I put my money where my mouth is. Today, I place myself in the service of the University, if it will have me. I would like to teach, to share knowledge, and perhaps to be an example to new UP students in thinking and striving beyond the limits of the possible. This may only be a small disturbance in the grass. But I hope you'll come with me, and trample a new path.
Good evening, everyone.`

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

What Business Card May Come

Wanna know what your business card would probably look like? Here's some samples you can get idea from:

Business card from a dentist














100% discreet business cards for head hunter Aert van Seggelen. Completely edible business cards with ‘read it then eat it' instruction.













Couples' Therapist card


















Business card from a divorce lawyer. The perforated card demonstrates what a divorce lawyers can do.





















Business card from a Furniture Company


















Business Card from a Second Hand store




















Business card from a Graphic Designer






Friday, February 15, 2008

Life is what we make it

How do we define happiness? Is it when someone starts smiling? beaming? laughing? Or the inner feeling of contentment and satisfaction? Someone had told me that happiness is an outward appearance and the inner one is called 'joy'. I have very little time to make sure which is which, besides I get headaches when I keep on thinking; which is why, I will plainly believe and picture happiness as this picture. One, Cedie, smiling and the other one, Uday, is laughing. But being there, I know that they are happy. And it shows not only in their faces but in their sparkling eyes.



You see, I don't believe that a person can say that he/she is happy but cannot bring him/herself to smile or laugh. Although, there are really some that can laugh and say they are happy but they are actually not. The magic is in the eyes of a person. We surely can smile even if in times of weakness and troubles, but that smile will not reach the eyes. Picture this: a still face with parted lips, that is all there is.



So next time your seatmate, friend, sibling, parent, nephew, niece, and just anybody else smile at you, look deep into the eyes and see if that smile reaches the eyes to know its sincere. If it is, that means that that person is happy to see you and be with you. If not, either there is something wrong with that person or you are that 'something wrong' in that person....