Jack and Diane - A Love Story

They'd known each other since their school days and had since become the

best of friends. They shared everything and anything and spent lots of time

together in and after school. But the friendship never developed into

anything deeper.

Diane kept a secret: her admiration and love for Jack. She had her reasons

for keeping it a secret. FEAR. Fear of rejection... fear that he might not

feel the same... fear that he might not want to be her best friend

anymore... fear of losing someone that she could always find comfort in. At

least if she kept her feelings to herself she would still be able to spend

time with him... and hopefully, he would be the one to tell her how he

felt towards her.

Time passed, and soon school was over.

Jack and Diane went separate ways. Jack continued his studies overseas,

while Diane got herself a job. They still kept in touch though... penned

letters, sent each other photographs, and mailed each other gifts. Diane

longed for Jack to be back.

She decided that she would tell him her feelings once he got back.

And then out of the blue... the mails from Jack stopped coming. Diane wrote

to him, but there was never a reply. Where was he? What happened? Lots of

questions ran through her mind...

Two years passed and Diane was still hopeful that Jack would come back... or

at least send her a note. And then her prayers were answered. One mid-August

day, she received a note from Jack. It said:

Diane, I have a surprise for you. I'm flying over. Meet me at the airport.

My flight comes in at 4pm on Saturday. I can't wait to see you again!

There's something I need to tell you, something I've been keeping inside all

this time.

Love & Kisses,

Jack

Diane's fingers shook as she read the note. Her heart soared. Diane was

thrilled. Love and kisses... it meant a lot for a lady who had waited so

long for those words. She was ecstatic!

The day arrived, and Diane waited anxiously for Jack. She had slipped into

her best dress, and did her best to look as pretty as she could.

She looked around... but Jack was nowhere in sight. She waited and waited,

wondering what she would say to Jack when he got there, what their meeting

would be like. Would there be love in his eyes? Would there be longing, bred

from years of separation and hiding each others' feelings?

Oh, how she longed to see him! How she longed to throw her arms around him

and tell him she was a fool to ever let him go without ever telling him how

she felt! And she was certain Jack felt it too. There was always a certain

magic about them when they were together.

Then a lady in a sexy, tight, blue dress approached her. She had a very

concerned look on her face, "Hi! I'm Lynn, a friend of Jack. Are you Diane?"

she asked. Diane just nodded her head.

"I'm afraid I... I have bad news for you. Jack is not coming... he won't be

coming back anymore," said the lady, placing a hand on Diane's shoulder.

Diane shook her head in confusion. She felt her heart constrict.

What could possibly have happened? Diane felt an overwhelming fear inside

her. Her hands turned cold. Her voice shook as she asked:

"Where... where's Jack? What happened to him? Please tell me..."

Diane begged the lady...

The lady looked intently at Diane... and then she gave Diane a nudge on the

shoulder and said...

"HOY GAGA! IT'S ME, JACK... JACKILYN!! Don't you remember me?! Im so beautiful now, huh?! It's me, sister!

KAKALOKA KAH HUH!! TEKA, SANDALI... MEET MY 'PAPA'!!"

Cake or Bed

WHICH WOULD U CHOOSE?

CAKE OR BED?????

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME

WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;

FIX THE LIGHT, NOW?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT

DOOR?

THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS.

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO

FEEL

GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND

HELP

OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A

NICE

YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO

ALL

THE

REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A

CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

SHE REPLIED,

HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE GOLDILOCKS WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO!

The Teacher

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The

teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the

third-grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in the

third-grade too!"

The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While

Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal

what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the

boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go

back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought

in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade

should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think

Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let

me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,

oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes

open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog

do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he

could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I

get wet before you do."

Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The

best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and bit

tense)

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow

me, you feel good."

Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."

Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of

excitement?"

Harry: "Fire truck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass

in the sixth-grade. I got the last ten Questions wrong myself.

Q & A Area

Chilly Question & Ans.

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

*********

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

*********

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.

Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

*********

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?

Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

*********

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!

Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

*********

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!

Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

*********

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

*********

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!

Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

*********

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Death and the Probable Cause

Vampire Kiss

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