Cake or Bed

WHICH WOULD U CHOOSE?

CAKE OR BED?????

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME

WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;

FIX THE LIGHT, NOW?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT

DOOR?

THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS.

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO

FEEL

GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND

HELP

OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A

NICE

YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO

ALL

THE

REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A

CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

SHE REPLIED,

HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE GOLDILOCKS WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO!

The Teacher

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The

teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the

third-grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in the

third-grade too!"

The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While

Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal

what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the

boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go

back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought

in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade

should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think

Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let

me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,

oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes

open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog

do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he

could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I

get wet before you do."

Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The

best man always has me first." (Principal was looking restless and bit

tense)

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow

me, you feel good."

Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."

Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of

excitement?"

Harry: "Fire truck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass

in the sixth-grade. I got the last ten Questions wrong myself.

Q & A Area

Chilly Question & Ans.

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

*********

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

*********

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.

Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

*********

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?

Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

*********

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!

Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

*********

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!

Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

*********

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

*********

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!

Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

*********

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Death and the Probable Cause

Vampire Kiss

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Pictures that will Play with your Mind

Funny Collections

Teaspoon,Teacup... or Bucket?

How people tend to be constrained with the options offered…it pays to think outside of given options

Teaspoon,Teacup... or Bucket???

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor

asked the Director which is the criteria that

defines a patient to be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bath-tub,

we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the

patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

Okay, here's your test:

(Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom

to get the answer before even taking this test!)

1. Would you use the spoon?

or

2. Would you use the teacup?

or

3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand said the visitor.

A normal person would choose the bucket as

it is larger than the spoon or the cup"

Scroll down...

"Nooooo," answered the Director.

A normal person would...pull the plug!"

You are not required to tell anyone how you did on this test.

Please don't share your answer... but, now you know